Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
