This is not my ceiling
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
