eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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