My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
please come you make the beer taste better
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
