I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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