Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
