just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
