wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
