I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
