Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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