ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
