Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
