Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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