Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
