he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
