the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
