I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
