Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
