wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
