Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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