DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
