Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
