Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
