john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
