the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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