you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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