Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
