dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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