allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
