woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
