You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
