that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
