Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
