You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
