Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.