kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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