Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
