Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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