Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
