I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
