remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
