can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
