If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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