We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
