I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
