is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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