I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
