Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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