it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize