she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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