lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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