last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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