My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
