I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
