the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
