Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
