I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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