we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
