Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
