Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
