WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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