The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
