just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
