what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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