so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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