Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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