i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
