i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
