Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
